Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Chemo Brain

People always ask me what “chemo brain” is and what it feels like…well, it sucks is what it feels like, and I am not sure what it really is. The best way to describe it so the masses will understand it is to say it is like pregnancy brain on steroids (literally) or post partum brain.

I used to be able to remember the most random details about almost anything – now; I can’t remember whole events that took place in my life.

I used to not need to keep a calendar or list – I had it all in my mind – now, I can’t for the life of me remember dates or a store list without a list/calendar.

I will forget a simple word in the middle of talking.

I ask Eric, Marci and Gina the same things multiple times.  I vaguely remember asking them said thing, but I never remember their answer.

I will be mid-sentence and completely forget what I was talking about….completely.

I can read mindless books, but books with any “technical degree” totally don’t make sense to me…which makes it really hard for me to read and figure out how to read about marketing my business…nothing makes sense!

Chemo brain sucks…I feel ignorant because I remember that I don’t remember and know that I don’t know what I used to know.

I wonder if this is how people with Alzheimer’s feel like when they first develop it.  They know they should remember, but their brain just won’t let me remember?

Oh well…maybe my brain is trying to forget all the crap I have been through with chemo.  I guess as I long as I remember the love I have for others and that others have for me…I don’t need to remember all the other stuff…but, honestly – it would be nice to remember.

1 comment:

  1. I totally understand. My chemo treatments are wrecking havoc on my memory. I even have trouble remembering friends names. I talked to my cousin who also underwent chemo and suffered from chemo brain. Shes been done for a few months and her memory is improving. I know you are stage 4 so your treatments are more intense but there is light once your treatments are done. Hang in there and no you are not alone! There's a bunch of us right there with you! Hugs and positive thoughts!